James Taylor an Outback waiter in Seattle Washington did the unthinkable last Tuesday before work. He made the landmark decision to wash his official “Outback Blue” work jeans for the first time since last summer. After several phone calls 86BadTips reporter Mason Philips was able to catch up with Mr. Taylor at his Seattle estate playing a game of “Horse” with his Proprietor Bill Michaels. Taylor did in fact confirm the reports hitting the mainstream news were fact after some very intense investigative reporting by Mason. At first he did not want to give up this information for fear of being persecuted by his co-workers, but finally Taylor did say “I had to wash them, they were standing up in the corner on their own and they had a smell that can’t be described with words. I think this mystery smell was affecting my tips because it followed me around like a funeral precession and guests always had weird snarls on their faces when I came around. When I stop to think about how many sections I Crop Dusted in those things, it brings a tear to my eyes”.

Now servers taking a long time to wash their jeans is not new news to 86BadTips, but this is a little on the excessive side. When 86BadTips inquired why it has been so long since his last wash, Taylor replied, without missing a beat, “every time I wash them it fades them a little bit more, Outback is extremely particular on the color of their servers jeans. It must be exact and any fading is grounds for losing a pin. Due to this unattractive consequence, most Outback servers go much longer than the standard once per month server protocol at other restaurants. It really helps slow down your “dye time”. When we inquired what was meant by “dye time” Taylor explained that Outbackers will get together over a keg once a quarter or so and everyone will bring their jeans and we will have a big jean dyeing party. It’s a great time for us to all get together, make fun of our recent dumb customers and oh yeah drink some frosty beverages while dying our jeans.”

86BadTips would like to attend one of these “dye parties” and Mr. Taylor invited us out next time they have one under one stipulation, no cameras, and no recorders. “What happens on “dye night” stays at dye night”.

Mr. Taylor is not very excited about his freshly washed jeans. He did comment that they were very tight and he felt a little on the fat side after putting them on for the first time. He openly admitted that he feels like they are not even his jeans. He said “some of those stains had names, we have been together for a long, long time and it was a little sad to see them go. I know, new ones will come and I will form a great relationship with them, but it’s not the same. Sometimes a man and his mayo stain can’t be messed with”.

Well folks, there you have it, a weird story that makes you laugh while at the same time, scratch your head. What will come of James Taylor? Your guess is as good as mine. I personally believe he will catch a canker sore from the hostess and slip off into the “real job paradise”, go deep into debt like a good American and start taking antidepressants, but hey that’s just a guess. I don’t have the gift of Prophecy or anything. We do think he needs a little professional help, but that is not our job, we just report, you laugh!

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