Angry servers in Denver are Chasing Customers Out to Their Cars

parking lot run

By Sean Curley

People never listen to or read public service announcements, so I won’t make one.

This is a one way conversation where I tell you to stop doing something stupid because it is going to cause you or someone you love great bodily harm. Do not chase customers out to their cars under any circumstances, ever. I bet you’re thinking, “I already knew that,” and I will acknowledge that you may have been vaguely aware of this unwritten rule. But I bet you don’t know why. Angry servers in Denver are chasing customers out to their cars because some customers are still leaving currency and credit card tips instead of marijuana. I know the laws have changed and the times they are a changin’ as well, but for a group of people used to waiting on people hand and foot expecting everybody to go out of their way to exchange their green for green before sitting in their section is ridiculous. Sure, we know grandma has some on her and the three teenagers at the table are so baked the complimentary bread looks like raw dough in comparison. We’ll assume that Mom has a friend who makes brownies at the very least and while Dad admits he did it in high school but claims he didn’t like it, we know he knows a guy who knows a guy that “parties” and can get it if he wants to. None of that means they owe you any weed, for serving them, though. It’s not like they asked you for more water right after you asked if there was anything you could get them besides more water, then asked for a knife when you came back with the water, then for more water when you came back with the knife. They didn’t watch inappropriate, loud or super noisy YouTube videos while you were trying to take their order or the order at the table right next to them. It’s not like every table pushes your buttons in a way that infuriates you so badly that every night you wonder if tonight is the night you get pulled over and get a DUI because you lost count of just how many shift drinks you “rang” in for yourself and then threw away the receipt on “accident”. It’s not like these people look down on you and treat you like garbage simply because that’s how they are treated day in and day out and the only customers who seem to understand your plight are so old that a quarter is an amazing tip in their eyes and that’s all they leave you every time they come in? We need to stand up for ourselves! We need our weed and we don’t have the time to go to our dude’s house between shifts because we just closed, have two hours of clean up to do, 1 hour of drinking to do and 10 hours until we have to be clocked in again, ready to serve the same booger eaters and non-tippers that we had to deal with yesterday! Tip with weed, people, or we’ll start following you to your cars in every city.


86 reporter,

Sean Curley