The art of sneaking food
If you have ever waited tables, you know that sneaking food is a sport, a hobby or even many times a very fun game. You must dodge managers, tables, cooks and sometimes even other servers to be successful at this high stakes game of hide and eat. Generally other servers are on your team but this is not a given. You must be careful of who your teammates are and aren’t when playing this game.
Always remember that when sneaking food you must stay away from the manager. No matter how cool they might be, you are still eating his or her bonus check and that is frowned upon especially in the slow season, which is now.
There are several places inside the restaurant that you can enjoy your freshly snuck food. One of my favorite places is the dry storage. If someone unsafe walks in you can just pretend you are looking for something that is running low in the wait station. Make sure you actually grab this item or else it will look fishy. Because you must be ready to swallow at any time, I would recommend always eating small bites when sneaking food while at work. The walk in is another favorite place to enjoy your free snack however it can get cold fast. I would recommend dry storage first but the walk-in is without a doubt over places like the restroom and the back dock. I know, you might turn up your nose at the idea of eating garlic bread in the bathroom, so do I. It is however very common. I know people who will take there food in a stall and sit down and enjoy. For me, I am very affected by smells when I eat and I feel like I am eating them too. I have never once done that myself but like I said, it is very common. I also can’t eat on the back dock because all that mystery liquid that has such a distinct smell that comes flowing so generously out of the stuck together trash cans. What is that liquid??
If you can’t eat your snuck food in the bathroom, dry storage, walk-in or back dock, then just squat down on the line or by the window when your expo works. It just depends on your current restaurant design and you will have to locate your favorite place. Chances are you already have a favorite place and know exactly why it’s the best place. Maybe you can see the entire floor but they can’t see you. Or maybe it is very private and hidden from guest eyes, or maybe your manager can’t see you as well. Whatever the situation it, find you a great place and make it your own.
Once you locate the prime place to eat your snuck food now all you need to do is keep the basics in mind at all times and you are ready to chow down.
You must always know where you manager is at. This is the first and most basic of all rules. Generally this is easy to do but however there are those few “slippery” managers that you can’t keep pinned down. Those you will have to practice to learn their particular styles and habits. My favorite type of manager is the “Host stand Mac Daddy”. You know the guy; he is always at the host stand flirting with the high school girls. After all they can’t catch him at a bar with another girl. But for sneaking food purposes, they are great. As long as you always know where your manager is at, you will do just fine at consuming large amounts of free food.
It’s always a great idea to get partners in crime when sneaking food. They can keep an eye out while you are “in the act” as well as look after your tables if it is going to be a long dining experience. You can also share your “scores” with your partners and they can share theirs with you. It really spreads out your reach. If you can get a cook to be a partner, you are so in. Then you won’t have to rely on free or snack type foods like chips, bread and salads but you can get deserts, appetizers, prime rib or who knows what. The sky is really the limit. Those cooks can make things you never even thought of. They even bring food from home many times. You must do anything you can do to get a cook friend. If you happen to see a cook walking to or from work, pick him up. This will prove to be a very valuable friend in the future when it comes to sneaking food. Now remember you are not trying to be manipulative, just trying to be friendly. If you are a girl, a cute one especially, it is so easy to get a cook friend. Just smile at him and you are in.
There are numerous techniques on what to do with the food when you get it. Many people, myself included, are big fans of the drop and run technique. This is where you drop the loot in your apron pocket and run to “your little place” to enjoy it. If you are going to execute the “drop and run” technique, I would highly advise washing your apron at least once per quarter, or even more depending on you personal cleanliness threshold. Another technique is the “squirrel move”. This is where you drop the loot in a safe place like behind plates or ketchup bottles or in a locker or even in the walk-in, and coming back for it when the time is right. It’s like burying your nut for a rainy day. When using this move, whatever you do, don’t forget your food. You will wake up in the middle of the night and be disappointed. There is also the togo box takeaway. This is pretty easy to guess, you just take the food home and enjoy it in the comfort of your own home. This takes a lot of the sport out of the game; the only trick is getting it out of the building which is relatively easy compared to other more skilled moves like the swallow on the fly move or the talk with a mouthful move.
One way, that I have not talked about yet, to get free food, and is the oldie but goodie “mess up on purpose” move. “Whoops I accidentally ordered 10 orders of beef fajitas instead of one. What will we do with all this food? Oh, it would be a shame to throw it all way; we can’t let it go to waste. I will get a fork.” I would not recommend using this one very often of you might be looking for another job soon. I have never personally done it, but I know it goes on. If you do it, I would recommend getting lots of partners and take turns messing up “big”. This way you can share with others your mistake. You can take turns making mistakes.
Well there you have it, the 86BadTips basic course in eating free food at work. This is the 101 course. If you would like to add to this or make a comment you can find our comment section below. Lets eat!!!!
This is a hysterical read and VERY accurate. No joke about it! I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve ‘squirreled away’ my food to later on forget it and a week later find it covered in mold and stinking to high heaven. I have it all down to a perfect science on how to score free food and I eat rather well. Yes, aprons work well, and so do napkins which can hide precious tid-bits. I kiss but to all the decent cooks that aren’t friends with the manager and it all works out very, very well, in ways you can’t even possibly imagine. Ha
As a former server/current manager, I’ve found numerous chuckles in this. Once & a while, I would hear some servers say, “I haven’t had a good meal in days.” And I’m thinking, “You work at a restaurant, shouldn’t the perk be you shouldn’t have to pay for food.” I can’t recall actually for food at a restaurant I’ve worked at… even that corny employee discount BS.
I now want to make sure all my staff never leaves hungry. That’s just wrong and insulting.
lmao soo true.. we have all been there if in this business =)
Extremely entertaining read. You missed one very valuable tip, though: the walk-by spooning. This works for anything that can be scooped up with a spoon (you’ll be surprised at what substances and how much of them you can scoop). The best location for these items is the walk-in (hence desserts are best suited for the walk-by). Just stick a spoon in your apron and scoop as you go. All I (and I assume any human being with even the remotest sense of hygiene and well-being) ask is that you use a new spoon for each walk-by.
Pasta and soup spoons are best for this, for obvious reasons.
I imagine walk-by forkings also work quite well.